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Goodbye Baby

 Dearest Nephew,

I  am so sorry I couldn't be there. Your mother kept us apart for more than 6 years, From the first diagnoses until death, 

Death.

I hate that I was forced to miss so much because of your mother's spite, and even more so, the people who watched it happen in silence. But that's not what this is about,

I'm here because I miss you. All of you.

Your love of Roblox, chocolate, bbq, and cussing (lol). Your desire to keep the peace. Your care and concern for other people. Your love for your grandma. 

I must admit. I do not miss your being sick and in pain, The ample amount of time you spent isolated or under a knife. I don't miss waiting for the inevitable. For the text that changed my life... again,  

That's right. I was informed via text. I couldn't breathe. The air was sling-shot out of my lungs. It took another trip to the hospital in order for me to breathe again. Trip number 7. Seven is the number of completion. 

Maybe I'm done now.

Maybe, I get to start healing. 

Healing from the loss of your uncle. Healing from open-heart surgery. Healing from the loss of you.

Maybe, I don't have to be so sad and mad and worried all of the time. 

I've taken to sitting outside and looking at the trees. Doing so, comforts me. I know you're in heaven, and looking at the tops of the trees make me feel a little less disconnected from you.

I hope you've linked up with your uncle. He's so clumsy, he's probably bumping into the angels. Help him out, will ya'? 

I can't believe I met you both within months of one another and lost you in the same manner. First him, then you. One right after the other. 

I can't believe you've run out of chances, Chance.

I miss you in my very core because I love you that deeply. You were part of a dynamic duo: Chayce and Chance. But here's the thing. 

I prayed for your complete healing. And though it's not how I wanted, God answered my prayer. 

You are completely safe. You are at complete peace. You are completely healed. You are completely comforted. You are completely loved. 

And as much as your absence hurts me, I love that for you. 

With Love,



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