I can’t carry this anymore. My joints hurt. I’m weak in the knees and humped in the back. The weight of it all has left me deformed. I am not who I was when this year started and there’s no turning back. I’ll take a moment to validate the pain, anger, and rage. I woke up to find my husband dead on the floor. A heart attack came like a thief in the night and stole the love of my life. I disassociated as a means of survival. Processing the fact that he was actually gone may have destroyed me. My daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It has been a trying journey that’s only just begun and I have to help her manage it alone. Her dad is gone. And then I got sick. And I stayed sick. And I couldn’t get better. And I had 2 surgeries less than 6 months apart. And my kid bounced from house to house like a foster child. And when I woke up from heart surgery, I had to relearn how to walk. And then, my baby boy (nephew) passed away. Loneliness allowed bitterness to set in. And it did s...
Dearest Nephew, I am so sorry I couldn't be there. Your mother kept us apart for more than 6 years, From the first diagnoses until death, Death. I hate that I was forced to miss so much because of your mother's spite, and even more so, the people who watched it happen in silence. But that's not what this is about, I'm here because I miss you. All of you. Your love of Roblox, chocolate, bbq, and cussing (lol). Your desire to keep the peace. Your care and concern for other people. Your love for your grandma. I must admit. I do not miss your being sick and in pain, The ample amount of time you spent isolated or under a knife. I don't miss waiting for the inevitable. For the text that changed my life... again, That's right. I was informed via text. I couldn't breathe. The air was sling-shot out of my lungs. It took another trip to the hospital in order for me to breathe again. Trip number 7. Seven is the number of completion. Maybe I'm done now. May...